Past

Como toda a gente, tive momentos no passado menos bons (para não dizer pior).
Momentos em que era como se me limitasse a queimar fósforo, atrás de fósforo nessa grande caixa de fósforos que é a vida... (sim, essa é uma das razões porque o meu nickname é matchbox 31).
Quando tive essas fases, esses momentos negros, pensava montes de coisas, umas vezes escrevia-as, outras vezes não... mas hoje, quando ia de carro para Évora, ouvi uma canção e ao escutar mais atentamente, vi que a letra me teria acentado como uma luva há cerca de 6 anos atrás...

Blue October - "Hate Me"

(If you're sleeping are you dreaming

If your dreaming are you dreaming of me?

I can't believe you actually picked me.)

(”Hi Justin, this is your mother, and it's 2:33 on Monday afternoon.

I was just calling to see how you were doing.

You sounded really uptight last night.

It made me a little nervous, and a l... and... well... it made me nervous, it sounded like you were nervous, too.

I just wanted to make sure you were really OK,

And wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication.

You know I love you, and...Take care honey

I know you're under a lot of pressure.

See ya. Bye bye”)

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head

They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed

Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone

Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home

There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain

An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?

And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?

And will you never try to reach me?

It is I that wanted space

Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways

Yeah ways hard to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with

The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again

In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night

While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight

You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate

You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take

So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind

And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways

Yeah ways hard to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave

Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made

And like a baby boy I never was a man

Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand

And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”

Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be

And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways

Yeah ways hard to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

For you

For you

For you

[Children voices:]

If you're sleeping, are you dreaming,

if you're dreaming are you dreaming of me.

I can't believe you actually picked me

[Girl:]

Hey Justin! [x12]